About my family
I was born in Holland and came to Australia when I was a year old lived in Sydney for 5 years then My family moved to a country town in Western Australia called "Kalgoorlie " and this is where I grew up.
I was not bought up in a Christian home, we where just an every day family and I have 2 bothers and 2 sisters, we where not a very close family we all did our own things. But I remember my dad had a bad temper and you never wanted him to get angry, cause when he hit you it was hard and bad.
Well any way my Dad was a builder and he was also the caretaker of the cemetery. My mother was a nurse at the local hospital, My mother and father never got on well and they use to fight all the time.
My mother was into witchcraft and she never missed out on the meeting they had weekly and there meeting where much like a church meeting.
Now that I have told you about my family I guess I should get to telling you about myself.
My testimony:
I was a quiet child. I shut myself of from the rest of the family cause I was either belted by my dad or mentally and physically abused him or by someone so I stayed in my own little world away from everyone even people that meant no harm because I didnt trust no one. My mother and father where always fighting and my father hated me with a passion and he didnt have to tell me he showed me that. My mother and Father where never around they where always doing something like working or out at parties so I always kept to myself and I never tried to disturb any one in my family, (but I do know my mother did love me she just never showed it) I would lock myself in my room where I felt safe and I would sometimes stay there all day and night I was what you would call a loner, (Like I said before we where never a close knit family and I still dont have a closeness with my family I stay away from them and they from me but the only one I do have contact with is my mother still none of the others really want to know me and dont forgive me you will soon find out why as you read on. ) anyway to get on with my testimony. I never had friends cause I didnt want any, but anyway other kids didnt want to know me cause they thought I was weird cause of some of the stuff I did and also they where scared of where we lived cause we lived right opposite the Cemetery, and when any of them would come over I would take them into the cemetery to meet my friends there. However they never could hear them talk only I could hear them, "My friends where the people that where dead" that is who I use to talk to.
Like I never knew that it was demons I was talking to, I was only 8 years old and I was lonely and they kept me amused and I would spend most of my days talking to them and making there graves look nice. But I would do things to myself, I would cut myself with razors and glass It was like it was release to my anger and pain that I was feeling and I wanted physical pain instead of the pain I was feeling sometimes deep enough for stitches, and my family never ever knew I did this they use to just think that I had fallen over.
But as I got older I would hear the voices talking to me more and more and I also knew that nothing could hurt me cause I had my own protection I was also going to the coven meetings with my mother as well and when I was 13 I started holding seances. I use to work for my neighbor and looked after his kids for him and he would touch me all the time, I was to scared to tell anyone about it so I use to hurt his kids I would twist there arms until the cried, and I would make them walk on hot melting tar bear footed and it was like an enjoyment for me but. I would do what the voices said, it was hard cause I never knew some of the stuff I did and that was the most frightening part.
When I was 14 I was smoking and I was also smoking pot and drinking alcohol I never started using other drugs till I was 16 and it was away of an escape for me from my surroundings and from the hassles in my life. I was living half on the streets and at home. I also started going to a church of Christ youth group, and by this time knew deep down I needed help but who was I going to tell? Who would believe what I had to say? I was only a kid, and I knew that I was not in control of the things I was doing, one day I got a hammer and shattered my ankle and I didnt even feel a thing, thats when I knew that I had a problem. The minister from the church said I was evil but he never understood what was happening to me but neither did I, I just knew those things where not quite right.
But the crunch came when I was 15.I can never explain how this happened but i knew that spiritually I had left my body and I had set the house on fire, and when I was woken up by the family I was in a deep sleep, but I knew I had done I, but still who was I going to tell?
My mother and father had separated and my father had custody of me also my father was living a gay life and my mother had a boyfriend who abused me mentally and physically. I had no where to turn for help thats when I became an arsonist. I was living on the streets and from time to time between my mum and dad, One night I just stabbed myself 6 times in the chest and stomach, thats when everyone realized I needed some sort of help. But still they didnt know why I was doing these things, and I certainly wasnt going to tell anyone that I was listening to voices, I didnt want people thinking I was nuts cause I knew I wasnt.
Well when I was 16 I set myself on fire because the voices told me that it was the way I was meant to die!
I soon had to start fighting the voices I heard cause. If I didnt I was in danger and so was everyone around me, cause I had made a home made bomb that went off in the house, so That was the start I had to Fight the voices and no way was I going to get locked up again.
But when I was 17 I was raped by my dads boyfriend, I was still using drugs as well. Thats when my life started to turn had enough of the abuse and the torture my mind and body was going through, I had a baby girl who I had to look after and I use to feed her sleeping tablets cause I didnt want to even her cry. I was seeing Demons and I could smell them also and I felt like I was going crazy in my mind and I knew I need out but there was only one way out of this life to me was to kill myself and my daughter. I lived in a housing flat with my daughter, when I was 20 I had about enough of everything and everybody in my life. I was tired of living and I didnt want my daughter growing up in this world of hate. So I had decided on the 3rd of May to end our lives but before I did it I wanted to talk to someone so I rang counseling Place called "the Jesus People" I was drunk and high. And I talked to this Guy on the other end and to my amazement, he believed what I was telling him. He was talking to me about Jesus and stuff, and I knew deep down I was searching for a peace in my life and not once in my life did I ever think that Jesus could give me peace. But I thought why not give it a go so I did, I was never serious about God at first all I wanted was peace, but I was still getting tormented a lot in my mind.
And like I would give up on God and just go my own way many times cause I felt that I wasnt getting anywhere. I came from an abusive childhood and my marriage was not much different. And now my children where suffering exactly the way I did and I felt there was no way out either, you may ask well why did you stay? Or why did you let it happen to your own children? Well all that I can tell you is that I blamed myself for what was happening around me. I know my children did not deserve what they got or how they where treated. And I do know there is a lot of healing my children need in there lifes and Im trusting God will do it and Im believing that God will strengthen the childrens relationship with there dad and bring back the trust in us all for one another, but we also had our hard times and our good times. Many times we where not walking with God but. I knew that God was still there but we where not looking to him for help. I loved my husband and my children my husband was heavy handed with the children and myself when he hit them he believed the best way was to hit them hard. He would beat them till they couldnt walk cause of fear and the would actually wet them selves, So many times I wanted to leave But I couldnt and I knew my Kids wanted out to so I started to think what am I going to do I was doing it on our own, I never had no one I could trust to talk too, I let my Kids down and I felt a failure to them and myself, but it has only been the last 3 years that I know myself that I wanted to get serious about God cause with out him I had nothing, But each time I decided I would make an excuse up and would never even get close to God but I know God is going to work in my kids and marriage and I know God is going to restore us all to the way he wants us to be, and I know its not going to be and easy road cause we are going to hit the rocky parts. But Im going to leave it to God now. Im not going to give up like I use to do.
I look at it like this you are either for God or you are either for Satan you cant sit on the fence and get the best of both worlds!!
And I know I want to be on Gods side. Ive had enough of being on Satans side.
And I want to do Gods work, I want to share my testimony to everyone and I desire to go over seas and share with others there as well, cause I believe a persons testimony is the most awesome thing anyone can share and I Thank God that he is seeing me through everything and is guiding my life now, Cause with out God I am nothing..!!!! And I wouldnt be where I am today, if God didnt love me Like he does, cause God never ever gave up on me, I was the one that Gave up on God!!! But God was patient he just waited like he always did.
And I hope that any one that reads this will see for them selves even when they are on that rocky road that God is still there, and dont give up, dont let Satan even have the pleasure of saying you isn't going to make it. Cause believe me you will make it with the help of God.
What is impossible for us is not impossible for God!!!
"Our God Is A Awesome God"
I was born in Holland and came to Australia when I was a year old lived in Sydney for 5 years then My family moved to a country town in Western Australia called "Kalgoorlie " and this is where I grew up.
I was not bought up in a Christian home, we where just an every day family and I have 2 bothers and 2 sisters, we where not a very close family we all did our own things. But I remember my dad had a bad temper and you never wanted him to get angry, cause when he hit you it was hard and bad.
Well any way my Dad was a builder and he was also the caretaker of the cemetery. My mother was a nurse at the local hospital, My mother and father never got on well and they use to fight all the time.
My mother was into witchcraft and she never missed out on the meeting they had weekly and there meeting where much like a church meeting.
Now that I have told you about my family I guess I should get to telling you about myself.
My testimony:
I was a quiet child. I shut myself of from the rest of the family cause I was either belted by my dad or mentally and physically abused him or by someone so I stayed in my own little world away from everyone even people that meant no harm because I didnt trust no one. My mother and father where always fighting and my father hated me with a passion and he didnt have to tell me he showed me that. My mother and Father where never around they where always doing something like working or out at parties so I always kept to myself and I never tried to disturb any one in my family, (but I do know my mother did love me she just never showed it) I would lock myself in my room where I felt safe and I would sometimes stay there all day and night I was what you would call a loner, (Like I said before we where never a close knit family and I still dont have a closeness with my family I stay away from them and they from me but the only one I do have contact with is my mother still none of the others really want to know me and dont forgive me you will soon find out why as you read on. ) anyway to get on with my testimony. I never had friends cause I didnt want any, but anyway other kids didnt want to know me cause they thought I was weird cause of some of the stuff I did and also they where scared of where we lived cause we lived right opposite the Cemetery, and when any of them would come over I would take them into the cemetery to meet my friends there. However they never could hear them talk only I could hear them, "My friends where the people that where dead" that is who I use to talk to.
Like I never knew that it was demons I was talking to, I was only 8 years old and I was lonely and they kept me amused and I would spend most of my days talking to them and making there graves look nice. But I would do things to myself, I would cut myself with razors and glass It was like it was release to my anger and pain that I was feeling and I wanted physical pain instead of the pain I was feeling sometimes deep enough for stitches, and my family never ever knew I did this they use to just think that I had fallen over.
But as I got older I would hear the voices talking to me more and more and I also knew that nothing could hurt me cause I had my own protection I was also going to the coven meetings with my mother as well and when I was 13 I started holding seances. I use to work for my neighbor and looked after his kids for him and he would touch me all the time, I was to scared to tell anyone about it so I use to hurt his kids I would twist there arms until the cried, and I would make them walk on hot melting tar bear footed and it was like an enjoyment for me but. I would do what the voices said, it was hard cause I never knew some of the stuff I did and that was the most frightening part.
When I was 14 I was smoking and I was also smoking pot and drinking alcohol I never started using other drugs till I was 16 and it was away of an escape for me from my surroundings and from the hassles in my life. I was living half on the streets and at home. I also started going to a church of Christ youth group, and by this time knew deep down I needed help but who was I going to tell? Who would believe what I had to say? I was only a kid, and I knew that I was not in control of the things I was doing, one day I got a hammer and shattered my ankle and I didnt even feel a thing, thats when I knew that I had a problem. The minister from the church said I was evil but he never understood what was happening to me but neither did I, I just knew those things where not quite right.
But the crunch came when I was 15.I can never explain how this happened but i knew that spiritually I had left my body and I had set the house on fire, and when I was woken up by the family I was in a deep sleep, but I knew I had done I, but still who was I going to tell?
My mother and father had separated and my father had custody of me also my father was living a gay life and my mother had a boyfriend who abused me mentally and physically. I had no where to turn for help thats when I became an arsonist. I was living on the streets and from time to time between my mum and dad, One night I just stabbed myself 6 times in the chest and stomach, thats when everyone realized I needed some sort of help. But still they didnt know why I was doing these things, and I certainly wasnt going to tell anyone that I was listening to voices, I didnt want people thinking I was nuts cause I knew I wasnt.
Well when I was 16 I set myself on fire because the voices told me that it was the way I was meant to die!
I soon had to start fighting the voices I heard cause. If I didnt I was in danger and so was everyone around me, cause I had made a home made bomb that went off in the house, so That was the start I had to Fight the voices and no way was I going to get locked up again.
But when I was 17 I was raped by my dads boyfriend, I was still using drugs as well. Thats when my life started to turn had enough of the abuse and the torture my mind and body was going through, I had a baby girl who I had to look after and I use to feed her sleeping tablets cause I didnt want to even her cry. I was seeing Demons and I could smell them also and I felt like I was going crazy in my mind and I knew I need out but there was only one way out of this life to me was to kill myself and my daughter. I lived in a housing flat with my daughter, when I was 20 I had about enough of everything and everybody in my life. I was tired of living and I didnt want my daughter growing up in this world of hate. So I had decided on the 3rd of May to end our lives but before I did it I wanted to talk to someone so I rang counseling Place called "the Jesus People" I was drunk and high. And I talked to this Guy on the other end and to my amazement, he believed what I was telling him. He was talking to me about Jesus and stuff, and I knew deep down I was searching for a peace in my life and not once in my life did I ever think that Jesus could give me peace. But I thought why not give it a go so I did, I was never serious about God at first all I wanted was peace, but I was still getting tormented a lot in my mind.
And like I would give up on God and just go my own way many times cause I felt that I wasnt getting anywhere. I came from an abusive childhood and my marriage was not much different. And now my children where suffering exactly the way I did and I felt there was no way out either, you may ask well why did you stay? Or why did you let it happen to your own children? Well all that I can tell you is that I blamed myself for what was happening around me. I know my children did not deserve what they got or how they where treated. And I do know there is a lot of healing my children need in there lifes and Im trusting God will do it and Im believing that God will strengthen the childrens relationship with there dad and bring back the trust in us all for one another, but we also had our hard times and our good times. Many times we where not walking with God but. I knew that God was still there but we where not looking to him for help. I loved my husband and my children my husband was heavy handed with the children and myself when he hit them he believed the best way was to hit them hard. He would beat them till they couldnt walk cause of fear and the would actually wet them selves, So many times I wanted to leave But I couldnt and I knew my Kids wanted out to so I started to think what am I going to do I was doing it on our own, I never had no one I could trust to talk too, I let my Kids down and I felt a failure to them and myself, but it has only been the last 3 years that I know myself that I wanted to get serious about God cause with out him I had nothing, But each time I decided I would make an excuse up and would never even get close to God but I know God is going to work in my kids and marriage and I know God is going to restore us all to the way he wants us to be, and I know its not going to be and easy road cause we are going to hit the rocky parts. But Im going to leave it to God now. Im not going to give up like I use to do.
I look at it like this you are either for God or you are either for Satan you cant sit on the fence and get the best of both worlds!!
And I know I want to be on Gods side. Ive had enough of being on Satans side.
And I want to do Gods work, I want to share my testimony to everyone and I desire to go over seas and share with others there as well, cause I believe a persons testimony is the most awesome thing anyone can share and I Thank God that he is seeing me through everything and is guiding my life now, Cause with out God I am nothing..!!!! And I wouldnt be where I am today, if God didnt love me Like he does, cause God never ever gave up on me, I was the one that Gave up on God!!! But God was patient he just waited like he always did.
And I hope that any one that reads this will see for them selves even when they are on that rocky road that God is still there, and dont give up, dont let Satan even have the pleasure of saying you isn't going to make it. Cause believe me you will make it with the help of God.
What is impossible for us is not impossible for God!!!
"Our God Is A Awesome God"
